Facebook proudly wore its colors today as it claimed it had hit its millionth Trump News Freakout. April 19th, the mega social platform ticked its millionth doom post entitled, "Trump will club our children like white seals," sounding the red alarm of hysterity.
Over the years, Facebook has been a hub for political outbursts, but 2025 alone has accounted for 80% of their political freakout imports. Mark Zuckerberg, social media creator, is excited to see the numbers rise so sharply. He has converted the political freakout pastime into a tradable stock market. He also hopes Trump will get a third term.
Any outcry, from Trump using the wrong spoon for soup to Trump putting tariffs on anyone under the age of 5, will be counted as a tradable freakout and monetized.
Already, the stock has soared past Hawk Tuah Coin.
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